So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
