how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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