How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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