At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
