I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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