i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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