good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
