I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
