I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
