Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
