i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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