youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
