i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
