I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
