did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
