i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
