is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
