All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I'm really busy with my period
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