We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
