So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
