All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
