the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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