i just wanna soil my oats bro
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
