i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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