If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Randomize
