Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
