just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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