you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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