A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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