Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
