Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
