Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize