I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
