he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
the raccoons are back...
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