"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize