Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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