So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
