Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
