i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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