She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
