i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
