I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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