she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
