You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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