I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
