my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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