Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
