His hands were made for my vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
