I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
