Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize