If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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