I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You know, be my cock's hype man.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
