I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am spending my child support on dildos
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
