Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
