she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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