Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
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I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
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