I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
