Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
