Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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