I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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