He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
