Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
