I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
