high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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