All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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