I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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