Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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