From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
