Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
