I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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